shallow end

Mel was watching Ed Young, Jr. and he was talking about spiritual growth, and his illustration was that some christians are hanging out in the shallow end of the pool, in fact, some are still in the baby pool -- the peepee pool -- when we should be diving into the deep end instead.

Well, today i'm in the shallow end & maybe i'm even back to the peepee pool. Why am i shallow? because all four of my final four teams were eliminated this weekend, and it made me mad! so as i type, i'm pouting about some shallow stuff :-) maybe after a few hours of hanging out here in the shallow end, i'll dry off, and dive back in to the deep end where i belong. the deep end where life is more challenging, but so much more fun...He has come that we might have life to the FULL!!!

silent struggles?! good or bad

i’ve discovered something about myself -- i think i’ve learned it mostly from my small group -- i’m not sure if it’s bad or good or what, but it is just something that is true about me. i’m a silent struggler/sufferer -- i listen to others tell their troubles and struggles -- i genuinely want to know these things about them, and i appreciate their openness -- but then i think about my hurts, my doubts, my struggles, my “stuff” tucked away -- & i cannot put it into words, and i don’t even want to say it. i’m content just mulling it over between me & God. although i can relate to what someone is saying, i feel for them, i want to help them, but yet, i don’t open up what is inside of me. Here’s why -- sometimes, not often, i go back to past hurts, wounds, feelings, and they are yucky! & i don’t think about it very often but when i do -- eewww-- !

this is my thought processes - i am positive, happy, hopeful, content with life & God’s goodness, loving life! About 90% or more of the time that is me - even deep down that really is me -- inside & out: Positive, up-beat, and grateful! …but then there’s that 10% (give or take a little) when i’m struggling or hurting, sad, mad, confused or just out of sorts. i think that if i say something during those times and it’s taken wrongly or too seriously how can i undo it when i don’t feel like that anymore? What if that those words & thoughts spoken at hard times might be all that’s remembered of me or those words spoken cause others to stumble? What if i say something that i’m thinking, just temporarily - just for that moment of hurt, doubt, etc. and someone hears it is received "wrong-ly" just because i’m having a bad week or day or hour or...

Sometimes…most times, (not always) i’ll talk about it after i’ve worked through it, but not during the process.

So until i learn differently, or discover that there’s a good reason to change, i'll be happy with my hurts, struggles, difficulties and doubts to stay where they are…between me & God.